Star Gazing
by PromiseDreamLife
Summary: A Tau'ri host of Jolinar discusses with Martouf/Lantash whether they should remain blended. One shot, short.


STAR-GAZING

They lay watching the stars, her head on his side, his arm sliding around her waist, holding her comfortably to him. He loved the feel of her beside him, again. It was a different body, but it was still her, and her new blending partner. It felt so good, her fingers wandering across their chest. How they wished though could be closer, together as mates should be. But she had not yet given permission. Oh, how they wished she would stay.

"I don't know." She said at last, her first words since they had laid down together.

"Don't know what, my love?" He asked.

"I don't know about this."

He paused, waiting for her to continue, to finally share with them the thoughts running across her face. "About this... holding us?" He wondered when she said nothing.

"About all of this." She continued. "I just don't know how it is possible."

"How what is possible, my love?" He encouraged.

"How is is possible to love two people equally so much?" She asked, still staring at the stars as she stroked his chest. "I mean, in my culture loving two people is going to cause problems, but as a Tok'ra that is what it means to be mated. How is it possible? I know she says you love as one, and share the experience. But when you talk, when you move, it is only one of you. I have already talked to you some, and have a love for you, but I don't understand about the Tok'ra... how can you be with both, knowing that you only wish to please one?" She asked, looking questioningly up into their eyes. There was so much hiding meaning there, so much of a cry for help, reassurance, it almost took their breath away. So this is what had made her silent, concerned.

His other half took over, speaking for both of them. "_We love Jolinar._" Lantash spoke softly, but passionately, his resonating voice echoing their shared opinion "_As we loved Rosha, and hope to love you too. We would not consider holding you when we really wanted only her- we desire you both._"

She cracked a smile, her eyes innocent as she stared up at them. "I didn't give names," She murmured.

They could see they had answered her question to her satisfaction, and now Lantash returned control to his host. "Have you decided? We will wait for your answer if necessary. "

She immediately glanced down, her smile fading, her eyes shifting to contemplate the stars once more.

"What is the matter?" He pressed "We will understand... if you do not wish to consider us as mates," He added sadly.

She glanced back, lifting herself a little bit off him. Her hair dangled in her face and he tried not to smile, she was so beautiful. "A kind, caring, patient mate and..." She paused, smiling "A passionate, fun loving, adventurous," She blushed "One. Two for the price of one- hmmm... I'm starting to see the problem," She said as she tapped her lips, her eyes laughing.

"Then you have decided?" He asked, hopefully.

She looked down, burying her head in his side.

"What is it?" He wondered. "If it is not me..." He trailed off, realizing what the problem was.

Her eyes were watching him again. He could not tell if she was smiling, and even Lantash was having difficulty reading her behavior. "Please..." He begged "Tell us what you are thinking,"

She sighed softly. "I..." She began slowly, quietly "Am okay with the thought of blending. I don't mind somebody always being there, and sharing everything. There's so many books and stories on my world- some stories even have good symbiotes in them. Not all such..." She cut herself off mid-sentence "...And me being such a bookworm, I'd already made my decision long before I knew there were real... To'kra." She paused, and smiled sadly "I just don't know if its her. I mean, now that I know, I want so bad to be blended with someone, to have a constant friend, forever and ever. I just don't know if its her," She finished.

"You... do not like her... past?" He wondered, confused.

She opened her mouth and then her face went empty for a moment, and he knew his beloved was speaking with her.

*_He speaks of my heritage, for I was first a Goa'uld and a Tok'ra, not of Egeria_* Jolinar quietly informed to her host.

"Oh... no... no offense to those born a Tok'ra," Her host said and Martouf nodded, knowing that was meant for Lantash "But I think it takes a lot of strength to turn away from the life of a Goa'uld to become a Tokra."

He nodded "It does. Then... what is your fear?"

She smiled, apologetically "It is her. I just..." she seemed to be searching for a way to express her thoughts, hopefully without offending his beloved inside her. "Don't know if she's the type of person I want to spend the rest of my life with." She ended tactfully, wincing at the memory of the first time they had met. Guns had been involved, and a lot of threats. It had worked out in the end, but still, it wasn't the most pleasant first memory.

He nodded, comprehending. "It is your choice. I had to make a similar decision, as did all of us. Rarely is there an instant bond between host and symbiote. At first I too did not believe I would be able to live with the constant nagging of my symbiote," She smiled, and Lantash sent his host a mental hug "But in the end, I clearly kept him, and we have become very close friends, better than any other. I believe the benefits to blending and becoming a To'kra are immense and far more than the problems,"

She smiled broader and, encouraged, he smiled back. Remembering what Saroosh had told him when he had had this problem, he asked "Shall we count them?"

Sitting up a little again, she smiled more, and it brought him a strong sense of warmth as she said "You... and Lantash..."

She touched her neck "A friend..." She out her hand on her stomach, where the shrapnel had pierced it "A healer..."

"_Adventure_," Lantash added mischievously, and to their delight, she laughed.

"Yes! I'll never be bored... I hope..."

Her smiled didn't fade as she leaned her head back to watch the stars once more. "What do you think, Jol?" She asked out loud, using the strange nickname to refer to his beloved "Stargazing for an eternity..."

*..._Sounds so good...*_

His smile broadened as he pulled her tighter and they gazed at the brilliant stars together, content with the future to come.


End file.
